Thursday, January 21, 2016

"I Am Ammon Bundy" – Media Scoop by Sean Penn

Ammon Bundy, the leader of the armed “Hogtie and Occupy Woodsie the Owl” movement, in a brilliant exposé, stated: “Ugh, we welcome all the un-deodorized and pot smoking bird kissers and Indian folklore mongers to do whatever they want up here, but just know that Native Americans lost their rights to this land a long, long time ago and that ranchers and loggers have priority over all other takers.”

When asked why by the sorry-assed, liberal media guy, Sean Penn, he responded:

“It’s in the Bible dumbass, and it’s in the second witness to Loggers and Ranchers rights-- even the Book of Mormon. In Ezekiel 4: 15 it says, ‘Lo, I have given thee cow’s dung for man’s dung, and thou shall prepare thy bread therewith.’ And in the second Book of Nephi 30:13 it says, ‘and the cow and the bear shall feed; their young ones shall lie down together.’”

Then Mr. Penn said, “Wow that’s some really heavy and deep shit, man. Can you whip out your seer stone and translate it for us simple folk?”

Ammon then said, “In order to eat our bread we need a little cow shit everywhere, and the cows they get equal rights with wild animals. Plain as day.”

Mr. Penn then asked about logging rights.

“Well,” Ammon said, “That's in the Bible too, God gave man dominion over all things. Everybody knows that only loggers and ranchers are men. All the rest of you are just a bunch pamsy wamsies, fruitcakes and women.”

Unassailable logic. I declare I, too, am a rancher and a logger. Now how to get me a little bit of that unclaimed federal land that I own. Any of you want to join me?

Loren M. Lambert © January 16, 2016

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